Research scientist humor, finely honed, is displayed in the “Experimental demonstration of the tomatotopic organization in the Soprano.” Herein, the multiple effects of tomato throwing on Cantatrix sopranica L. (the healthy female soprano) are described and quantified. An automatic tomato thrower, capable of launching 9 fruits per second, was employed in the experiments. Following each round the singer was “perfused with olive oil, and 10 % GlennFiddish, and incubated at 421 °C in 15 % orange juice.” Sadly, the report is lacking any data on the effects the sopranos had on the tomatoes.