What to wear, when to stand, and when to applaud…it’s all part of the “orchestral codes” that the N.Y. Times has decided to decipher. Actually, though, it’s a collection of traditions, quirks, conveniences, and, most importantly, rules of etiquette that are part and practice of a unique culture that varies from orchestra to orchestra. It all seems perfectly normal from the inside, though I can see how odd some customs may seem to observers. Many rituals arise from a desire to show respect and fondness for fellow musicians and of the art itself. The rest is mere convenience and whimsy.

I am a geek parent. Here is the unnecessary proof. Our baby has a Lamaze Soft Sorter (thanks Gwen!). Inside are four objects. Normal folks would be content to say to the baby “here’s the circle! here’s the square! here’s the oval! here’s the triangle!” But no, I have to say “here’s the sphere! and the cube! the cylinder! and the … triangular prism!” (I had to look that last one up.) I need serious help — or the baby will.

The Truth About Splenda is part of the Sugar Association‘s campaign against what it claims is misleading advertising of the artificial sweetener. They’ve also filed a lawsuit against Johnson & Johnson whose McNeil Nutritionals subsidiary produces Splenda. In other Splenda news, Coca-Cola is introducing a Diet Coke with Splenda (actually “a blend of Splenda and acesulfame potassium (ace-k) for optimal taste”). Who knew that Diet Coke could turn into a brand name for a line of beverages instead of just the name of one?

It must be citrus season. The SF Chronicle features kumquats and Meyer Lemons. Oh, and I saw Grapple’s at Safeway. They look like regular apples and I still had no desire to buy one. Artificial grapes and I never did get along.

I’d get the baby this diamond and gold pacifier for Valentine’s Day but since he doesn’t use one it’d just be a waste of money now wouldn’t it? (via Luxist)

Beyond the common grocery store Eureka lemon there’s the oft-praised Meyer. Meyers are a dime a dozen in many California backyards (we had a prolific tree next to our oranges). But they were rare commercially since they don’t ship well. Chefs love them and the foodie world is now well aware of the yummy hybrid. I can buy them in season at Trader Joe’s. So what’s a cutting edge foodie to do if the Meyer now elicits a gourmet yawn? The NY Times has lined up some new entrants into the lemon market: Ponderosa (one I’ve also seen in many backyards), the Variegated Pink, Golden Eureka, and the Lemonade fruit (a Meyer + New Zealand grapefruit cross). Farmers are also trying seedless varieties. I’ve got one lonely Meyer, ready to pick, waving in the Pacific Northwest breeze on my dwarf tree, waiting for me to determine its destiny. I won’t tell it how passé it has become.

Inventions for new parents and their babies

• Eyes wide open or shut? scanning device: Mounts on crib, sends signal to baby monitor to indicate if the baby’s eyes are open or not. Helps you determine if the baby is crying in his sleep or if he actually has woken up and needs attention.
• Breastmilk flow meter and gauge: Measures how many ounces baby has eaten and length of feeding to help parents calculate eating rates and amounts. Works automagically without interfering with the all-important breastfeeding latch. Deluxe version stores one year’s worth of data and displays analytical graphs.
• Stomach and intestinal gas transporter device: Removes gas from baby’s digestive system using Star Trek transporter technology.
• Shower noise filtering device: Eliminates “everything sounds like a baby crying when you are taking a shower” syndrome. You’ll only hear a baby cry when the baby actually cries.
• Miniature timers to stick on baby’s clothes: One for “time since last diaper change,” one for “time since last feeding,” and one for “time since last awakening”. Aids overwhelmed parents who forget the “diaper, food, nap” cycles during the turmoil of incessant crying. Can be set to beep if a consistent schedule is desired. (Similar to the the tempo time tag.)
• Diaper content detector: Indicator on diaper reveals what has transpired inside and how much. Includes early warning system for leaks and blowouts.
• Back-of-head baby toupee: Does your baby suffer from the embarrassing baldness that can accompany the “back to sleep” directive? Is there more hair decorating his crib mattress than there is on the back of his head? Cover up that embarrassing bald patch with the specially designed Baby Toupee. Helps parents avoid annoying comments from the older generation unaccustomed to the side effects that plague the younger “back to sleep” generation. Virtually undetectable! From the makers of “Tummy Time, my ass!” Not affiliated with the Ronco GLH Formula Number 9 Hair System.

Three years ago I posted about the real phone number (i.e. not a “555”) used towards the end of the movie “Sneakers.” I had heard various stories about the phone number: that it was one that PacBell believed wouldn’t be used for a number of years (though they were wrong after pagers, cell phones, tech businesses, etc proliferation ran over all estimates), that it forwarded it to the IRS, and that there was an answering machine for the fictional “Sneakers” security company. This week I received email from someone who says he memorized the number when he watched the movie and called it afterwards. He writes: “it was indeed a pager number, and, it had the voice of the
actress (i can’t remember her name). it just said ‘hi, you’ve reached (whatever her name was), or deana from the movie sneakers – leave a message’. no joke, no irs deal – but thought it was interesting.”

I have a hazy memory of the animated Charlotte’s Web movie. I remember it had songs and that the storyline wasn’t too far off from the book. It’s interesting now to see the cast listing as I had little interest back then in who provided the voices. The voice talent included Charles Nelson Reilly, Agnes Moorehead (the mom from Bewitched), Danny Bonaduce, and Debbie Reynolds. Now the entertainment wires are buzzing with news of the famous names heading up a new film version of the E.B. White book. The combo live-action and computer animation movie begins filming in Australia at the end of the month. Julia Roberts is providing the voice of Charlotte. Oprah Winfrey, John Cleese, Steve Buscemi (as Templeton, of course), and Kathy Bates are amongst the other names attached to the various barnyard animals. IMDB lists an apparently rather awful, direct-to-video sequel of the first animated film.

The Grapple is a Fuji apple soaked in a grape solution. And it’s pronounced “grape el” (it’s actually spelled Grāpple). Word on the street, uh, the weblog street that is, is that it tastes pretty fake. Considering the ingredients include artificial flavors but not grape juice, I’m guessing the advertised Concord grape flavor isn’t authentic. I won’t be going out of my way to try these.